Thursday, 30 October 2008

• This is what it is to have an eating disorder.

  my reflection... hurts me.
  
  i am
  a lump of lard,
  a spewing, volcanic thing,
  erupting out of all bounds
  of what it means to be normal.
  
  please tell me this isn't me.
  
  i want to claw at it, break the glass,
  smear my blood on the image,
  obscure it from view.
  
  my punishment: a desert island,
  a few bananas a day, crazy running.
  fat and burned i'd be, but maybe soon
  the metamorphosis, skinny, tan,
  running wild and free,
  hoping the malaria mosquito doesn't find me.
  
  i cannot face my disgust,
  my scars, the stretching purple
  of fat-swelled skin,
  pores red and leaking.
  somewhere, a roof is caving in;
  a baby is wailing
  for a heartbeat it will never feel.
  
  
  this is not really a poem.
  free verse, shitty free verse at that,
  trying to describe an existence
  no description can truly capture.
  i am lost in myself,
  myriad folds of axons, transmitters,
  partitions and chemicals
  and a damned fucking mess.

  • 9:23 PM
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