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  • I haven't written here in forever, although I've been writing in my ED LiveJournal some. The truth is that, lately, I really just haven't had much to say along ED lines. My b/ping has decreased significantly in frequenc…

  • SI TRIGGERS. Read at your own discretion.

    Today was a fucking awful day. I binged and binged at suppertime, and yet didn't feel ill enough to purge. Didn't have the energy to purge, either, or even the desire. So all that food has been digesting for at least si…

  • I'm really tired right now, but a lot of it is my own fault. I can't seem to let go of this stupid b/p train I've been on. I'm terrified that if I stop b/ping, and eat normally, I'm going to gain a lot of weight. This is…

  • This is what it is to have an eating disorder.

    my reflection... hurts me. i am a lump of lard, a spewing, volcanic thing, erupting out of all bounds of what it means to be normal. please tell me this isn't me. i want to claw at it, break the glass, smear my blood …

  • I have a Latin quiz tomorrow, but I have not been studying nearly enough. I still couldn't tell you what most of the nine special adjectives are, or what any of them mean, and I have to know them all for tomorrow morning…

  • Eating fucked-up-ness

    What do I do? Do I attempt, yet again, to try and eat normally -- to choose mostly healthy and nutrient-dense foods -- to maybe start going to the gym on campus again? I did feel better when I was doing that. Do I try i…

  • So I'm just starting a binge, and I go to my iTunes and turn on the shuffle... and what's the first song that comes up? "Addicted" by Kelly Clarkson. It's sad when even your mp3 player knows you have problems. >P …

  • I don't know how much more of this I can take. I really don't. I can't even analyze what's wrong with me anymore. There's just too much of everything in my life right now. Far too much work -- work, which I hate with a …

  • Slow digestion woes

    My slow digestion has really been driving me mad... both last night and tonight. For awhile there I really hadn't felt it as much -- maybe because I wasn't paying as much attention; I'm not sure -- but last night it trig…

  • Pain... pain... everything is one great big searing soul wound today. And the worst part is that I can't for the life of me figure out why. I've been so ridiculously anxious for most of the day that it hasn't even been …

PerfectShadesOfBlue22

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    • Name: PerfectShadesOfBlue2
    • Gender: Female
    • Member Since: 9/9/2006

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