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  • I haven't written here in forever, although I've been writing in my ED LiveJournal some. The truth is that, lately, I really just haven't had much to say along ED lines. My b/ping has decreased significantly in frequenc…

  • I've fallen and I can't get up.

  • SI TRIGGERS. Read at your own discretion.

    Today was a fucking awful day. I binged and binged at suppertime, and yet didn't feel ill enough to purge. Didn't have the energy to purge, either, or even the desire. So all that food has been digesting for at least si…

  • The Quest

    This is extremely long, sort of academic, and probably rather boring. I wouldn't blame you if you didn't read it. Part of me still thinks that the whole quest for weight loss is, essentially, stupid. It is superficial …

  • I'm really tired right now, but a lot of it is my own fault. I can't seem to let go of this stupid b/p train I've been on. I'm terrified that if I stop b/ping, and eat normally, I'm going to gain a lot of weight. This is…

  • Somewhat short update

    I have an appointment at the counselling center on Monday. With a psychiatry resident. *groans* I don't know if it will be a good thing or a bad thing... but I guess I can give it a shot, right? I mean, will it really hu…

  • This is what it is to have an eating disorder.

    my reflection... hurts me. i am a lump of lard, a spewing, volcanic thing, erupting out of all bounds of what it means to be normal. please tell me this isn't me. i want to claw at it, break the glass, smear my blood …

  • I have a Latin quiz tomorrow, but I have not been studying nearly enough. I still couldn't tell you what most of the nine special adjectives are, or what any of them mean, and I have to know them all for tomorrow morning…

  • Eating fucked-up-ness

    What do I do? Do I attempt, yet again, to try and eat normally -- to choose mostly healthy and nutrient-dense foods -- to maybe start going to the gym on campus again? I did feel better when I was doing that. Do I try i…

  • Depression

    I think my depression is starting to take a huge spiral downward. I know I've been saying over and over again that it's not that bad, and for awhile it wasn't; but tonight it is that bad, and it seems to just be getting …

PerfectShadesOfBlue22

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    • Name: PerfectShadesOfBlue2
    • Gender: Female
    • Member Since: 9/9/2006

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