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  • I haven't written here in forever, although I've been writing in my ED LiveJournal some. The truth is that, lately, I really just haven't had much to say along ED lines. My b/ping has decreased significantly in frequenc…

  • Somewhat short update

    I have an appointment at the counselling center on Monday. With a psychiatry resident. *groans* I don't know if it will be a good thing or a bad thing... but I guess I can give it a shot, right? I mean, will it really hu…

  • This is what it is to have an eating disorder.

    my reflection... hurts me. i am a lump of lard, a spewing, volcanic thing, erupting out of all bounds of what it means to be normal. please tell me this isn't me. i want to claw at it, break the glass, smear my blood …

  • I have a Latin quiz tomorrow, but I have not been studying nearly enough. I still couldn't tell you what most of the nine special adjectives are, or what any of them mean, and I have to know them all for tomorrow morning…

  • Eating fucked-up-ness

    What do I do? Do I attempt, yet again, to try and eat normally -- to choose mostly healthy and nutrient-dense foods -- to maybe start going to the gym on campus again? I did feel better when I was doing that. Do I try i…

  • I try so hard to help other people, and then find it so hard to help myself sometimes. I try to be there for others -- give them a listening ear, maybe some gentle nudging or poking if I think it might be useful -- and t…

  • I know... I haven't been around for awhile. Life, and some of my own issues, have been getting in the way of serious Internetting, let alone being on Xanga very much (if ever). I pretty consistently read the daily digest…

  • Every time I post somewhere that I am fat, I feel like people think I'm just saying that... that they believe I really have a totally distorted mindset, and that the fat feeling is all in my head. But when I think about …

  • The past vs. the present

    A couple of days ago I was looking through some things in a bin that I was considering clearing out for my mom to use in the yard sale they had, and in it I found my old binder from residential treatment, with all the sh…

  • Horrible, awful, ridiculous day.

    Today has been such a horrible day, body-image wise... and I don't know anywhere else but online that I can vent my frustrations, so here it goes, I guess. So today I decided to be really fucking smart and shop for clot…

PerfectShadesOfBlue22

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    • Name: PerfectShadesOfBlue2
    • Gender: Female
    • Member Since: 9/9/2006

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