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  • This is what it is to have an eating disorder.

    my reflection... hurts me. i am a lump of lard, a spewing, volcanic thing, erupting out of all bounds of what it means to be normal. please tell me this isn't me. i want to claw at it, break the glass, smear my blood …

  • Eating fucked-up-ness

    What do I do? Do I attempt, yet again, to try and eat normally -- to choose mostly healthy and nutrient-dense foods -- to maybe start going to the gym on campus again? I did feel better when I was doing that. Do I try i…

  • Every time I post somewhere that I am fat, I feel like people think I'm just saying that... that they believe I really have a totally distorted mindset, and that the fat feeling is all in my head. But when I think about …

  • Horrible, awful, ridiculous day.

    Today has been such a horrible day, body-image wise... and I don't know anywhere else but online that I can vent my frustrations, so here it goes, I guess. So today I decided to be really fucking smart and shop for clot…

  • I don't know how much more of this I can take. I really don't. I can't even analyze what's wrong with me anymore. There's just too much of everything in my life right now. Far too much work -- work, which I hate with a …

  • From an ED point of view, I've been a complete and total failure lately. I'm not even trying to restrict -- quite the opposite happens most of the time, actually. I'm not purging all that much either. I'm just... eating.…

  • Layout and keywords and bears... oh my.

    New layout... I feel that it suits me much better. For a long time it used to be that I couldn't even have a layout without a black, or at least dark, background. Seems to me that I am veering into those parts of my pers…

  • These are the days of our lives

    Got called in to work tonight from 8-10, because today was apparently insanely busy and they were running out of prepped foodstuffs, so I was supposed to cover for another girl while she went back in the kitchen. However…

  • I feel so goddamned fat today. I binged and purged last night, and again tonight. I managed a week and a day without it before I caved. The biggest problem was not the actual stopping of the bulimia -- it was what happe…

PerfectShadesOfBlue22

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    • Name: PerfectShadesOfBlue2
    • Gender: Female
    • Member Since: 9/9/2006

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