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I know... I haven't been around for awhile. Life, and some of my own issues, have been getting in the way of serious Internetting, let alone being on Xanga very much (if ever). I pretty consistently read the daily digest…
Every time I post somewhere that I am fat, I feel like people think I'm just saying that... that they believe I really have a totally distorted mindset, and that the fat feeling is all in my head. But when I think about …
Food As Enemy: The Anatomy of an Eating Disorder (Part 2)

Taken from the book "The Merry Recluse" by Caroline Knapp. About once every two or three weeks, something would come up -- a party at work, someone's birthday, a family visit -- and I would eat. I planned for those tim…
Food As Enemy: The Anatomy of an Eating Disorder (Part 1)

Copied from the book "The Merry Recluse" by Caroline Knapp. From the summer of 1982 through the winter of 1985, I ate the same thing almost every day: a plaine sesame bagel for breakfast, a Dannon coffee-flavored yogur…
Okay. So... for all my talking about recovery, it really doesn't take much to make me want to get in the mindset again. And, actually, I'm never sure it's truly going away. Sometimes I think that I just temporarily have …
A few days ago I purchased a Premium account, good for one year. I figured that since I liked Xanga a lot, and ads are annoying, and it's good to support the sites you really like if you can, and I may or may not want al…
This is how I'm trying to recover.

I had originally been writing this entry as a comment to my friend on her entry here, but as it became longer and longer I realized that it was probably a better idea to post this as my own entry, so I could continue wit…
Sometimes I wonder if people realize just how easy it would be for me to sink back into all my old thoughts and feelings and behaviors. And I really, truly wonder if they know how difficult it has been for me to get to w…
Eating Disorder Recovery

I found this information quite useful, and I thought that maybe somebody else might, too. :) (Note: I did not write this information myself, but I'm not sure who did, so unfortunately I can't properly credit the author.)…
I am not going to purge this binge I engaged in at the movies tonight. I am also not going to eat yet again more, so I can purge my stomach completely empty afterwards and feel somehow better about myself. Tonight I am …