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  • This is what it is to have an eating disorder.

    my reflection... hurts me. i am a lump of lard, a spewing, volcanic thing, erupting out of all bounds of what it means to be normal. please tell me this isn't me. i want to claw at it, break the glass, smear my blood …

  • Eating fucked-up-ness

    What do I do? Do I attempt, yet again, to try and eat normally -- to choose mostly healthy and nutrient-dense foods -- to maybe start going to the gym on campus again? I did feel better when I was doing that. Do I try i…

  • Anorexia: a portrait

    I thought this piece of writing was so fantastic that I just had to link it here. I emphasize so much with this... I remember very vividly, still, exactly what it was like. Anorexia: a portrait.

  • I've been so, so lonely lately. It seems to hit me at random intervals... mostly when I'm home alone and have all at once become bored with what I'm doing. All of a sudden I'll just -- stop, and feel vaguely sad and down…

  • The difficulty of waking up came to a head this morning, when I set my alarm for 6 AM, so I could be up to get ready and go to work for 7:00... but didn't wake up at all until about 7 :S. I didn't even hear the alarm. Cl…

  • For the second morning in a row, waking up was extremely difficult. I keep waking up in the middle of these really intense dreams... which is great in a way, because if I'm having intense dreams it means I'm sleeping rea…

  • Not long after I wrote that last entry, I ended up purging as much as I could get out of that cinnamon bun and decaf coffee. I guess ED won after all. *sigh* And now I am off to work.

  • I just want to say, first of all, that this post is not about anyone who reads this blog. In fact, only one of you even knows her at all. (If you figure out who it is, please don't put her name anywhere on this entry, ok…

  • Feels like the weight of the world

    Freefall, freefall All through life You know... I realized that I have no idea why people actually read this blog. I mean, other than the people who know me either on MSN or in real life -- who I've chatted with or what…

  • Okay. So... for all my talking about recovery, it really doesn't take much to make me want to get in the mindset again. And, actually, I'm never sure it's truly going away. Sometimes I think that I just temporarily have …

PerfectShadesOfBlue22

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    • Name: PerfectShadesOfBlue2
    • Gender: Female
    • Member Since: 9/9/2006

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