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  • The Quest

    This is extremely long, sort of academic, and probably rather boring. I wouldn't blame you if you didn't read it. Part of me still thinks that the whole quest for weight loss is, essentially, stupid. It is superficial …

  • Every time I post somewhere that I am fat, I feel like people think I'm just saying that... that they believe I really have a totally distorted mindset, and that the fat feeling is all in my head. But when I think about …

  • Food As Enemy: The Anatomy of an Eating Disorder (Part 2)

    Taken from the book "The Merry Recluse" by Caroline Knapp. About once every two or three weeks, something would come up -- a party at work, someone's birthday, a family visit -- and I would eat. I planned for those tim…

  • Food As Enemy: The Anatomy of an Eating Disorder (Part 1)

    Copied from the book "The Merry Recluse" by Caroline Knapp. From the summer of 1982 through the winter of 1985, I ate the same thing almost every day: a plaine sesame bagel for breakfast, a Dannon coffee-flavored yogur…

  • The scale, the only true judge of my worth. The pounds displayed there the amount of my failure, the intensity of my pressure upon the world. What will the scale say tomorrow? Will it judge me unworthy? Will it lie t…

  • So here's the scoop. I'm tired of my weight. I got on the scale tonight, admittedly with a belly fairly full of food or whatnot, and the scale read 136 pounds. This puts me at a BMI of exactly 23.7. While I admit that t…

  • I feel so goddamned fat today. I binged and purged last night, and again tonight. I managed a week and a day without it before I caved. The biggest problem was not the actual stopping of the bulimia -- it was what happe…

PerfectShadesOfBlue22

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